The Trouble With Family Dinners
by Kick Flaw
Summary: Sequel to 'The Trouble With Childhood Songs'. Wherein Remus must protect the privacy of his romantic life from his family and his boyfriend. Slash. Remus/Sirius


First posted: October 10, 2002  
Note: slight smut, waff  
  
-  
  
The Trouble With Family Dinners  
  
"You…and Sirius?" Perseus boggled.  
  
"Oh! That's so cute!" Phoebe clapped her hands gleefully. "My anal   
retentive little brother and the klutzy rogue. Too perfect."   
  
Jason crossed his arms and scowled. "I think it's gross."  
  
"Mmhmm." Aeneas patted him tolerantly on the back. "You'll change   
your mind when you're older."  
  
"No, I won't."  
  
Mary shushed her petulant son. "You be nice to Remus and Sirius   
tonight, you hear me? This is a special dinner and I want everything   
to go smoothly."  
  
"But Mum, we've had Sirius over a hundred times before, why do I   
have to be nice *tonight*?" He pouted.  
  
Phoebe chuckled. "Because now dear Remmie is dating him, that's why.   
Merlin, I still can't believe you're gay!" She addressed the last   
part to Remus, who was huddled in his loyal, cuddly armchair trying   
to convince himself that this whole fiasco wasn't happening.  
  
When his parents had asked him to invite Sirius over for a   
'meet-the-family' dinner, he hadn't realized that they meant the   
*whole* family. All five of his siblings, at one table, with his   
boyfriend, the horror. It was going to be a disaster.  
  
First, there was Phoebe, a successful astrologer and the eldest Lupin   
child at twenty two years. She wore hand-tailored robes and expensive   
glamours, ate at all the top-notch wizarding restaurants, owned her   
own suite in Diagon Alley, and generally felt that her moods should   
control the world. Insufferably nosy but good-hearted, her resemblance   
to their mother could be disturbing.  
  
Perseus has just moved in to a microscopic flat with his girlfriend   
using the money his budding travel business raked in. Nineteen, and   
about as mature as twelve year old, he was the originator of the ritual   
creek dunking. Just that afternoon, not ten minutes after his arrival,   
he'd gotten everybody soaked to the bone in its name. Phoebe's new robe   
had been irretrievably ruined.  
  
Echo was thirteen, as clam as a doe, and just as silent. Some twist of   
irony had stolen her voice before she could leave the womb. Her eyes   
possessed more peace than a motionless pond - one look soothed the most   
tormented soul. Hogwarts wasn't for her; she'd chosen to apprentice   
herself to the village apothecary. Already her aptitude with plants   
promised a successful career.  
  
Ten year old Jason scowled more than he smiled, and he rarely left his   
room. No one entered as well, except Echo. He was a secretive,   
enigmatic, sullen little boy with a penchant for morbidity. Still, the   
family hoped it was a phase - a very long phase. Preadolescents were   
changeable creatures.  
  
And finally, Melopmene. She was like a tiny bird, flitting and singing   
and causing endless amounts of trouble. It was her fault Remus was in   
this mess in the first place. A seven year old ball of beautiful chaos.  
  
Remus rubbed his temples. Over, if it would just be *over*. Adding   
Sirius to the lot of them could only breed one thing - humiliation.   
For him. Why was he the only sane one? Him, of all people.  
  
"I'm not gay." He corrected Phoebe. He didn't actually know, maybe he   
was gay, but he certainly didn't fell like agreeing with any of them   
right now. Bunch of lunatics.  
  
"I'm going to my room." Glowered Jason.  
  
Mary grabbed him by the back of his shirt. "You're staying right   
here."  
  
"But *Mum*--"  
  
The doorbell rang.  
  
Anticipation silenced the living room; everyone went still.  
  
"It's him!" Phoebe whispered conspiratorially.  
  
"Oh, for Merlin's sake!" Remus rolled his eyes. "Stay here, the lot   
of you. And try, for my sake, to be normal? Please?"  
  
He waited until he was sure that they'd remain in the living room,   
then headed for the atrium. Their lunacy must have been getting to him.   
He could swear his heart was pounding. This was Sirius! Someone he'd   
known for six years and dated for the better part of one! Relax, he   
had to relax. It wasn't as if her was trying to impress anybody. A few   
hours and it would be over, and he could have Sirius all to himself.   
Alone. In his room. In his *bed*.  
  
Keeping that happy thought in mind, he answered the door.  
  
Sirius opened his mouth to say hello and moved to enter the house,   
but Remus had shoved him back and kissed him, slamming the door behind   
them, before he could do either.  
  
"Hi." He gasped when the light-haired boy was done tonguing him.  
  
Remus clutched Sirius' hair and closed his eyes, pressing his   
forehead into the other boy's neck. "Save me." he moaned.  
  
"Aww," Sirius stroked his back, "they aren't that bad."  
  
"You have *no* idea."  
  
"Um…don't tell me that, ok?" A twinge of nervousness crept into the   
blue eyed boy's voice.  
  
"I'm sorry." Apologized Remus as he lightly kissed Sirius' shoulder.   
"You're probably already on edge."  
  
"I *wasn't*, but now I'm worried. And it's all your fault. I think you   
better make it up to me." Sirius grinned and arched his eyebrows,   
eliciting a laugh from his boyfriend.  
  
"Later." Remus promised. "Actually, I need you to…you know…" he knew   
he looked embarrassed.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Suspend the touching." A finder over lips hushed Sirius' offended   
protest. "Please. They're ok with 'us' as a concept, but the reality   
has yet to penetrate. Pun not intended."  
  
Sirius sighed, kissing the pad of Remus' finger. "Ok. It'll be tough   
though."  
  
"That's why I arranged for us to sit next to each other. It we're   
careful," Remus smiled, "they'll never know what's going on underneath   
the table. Sound good?"  
  
"Very good. I love it when you're smutty and devious!" exclaimed   
Sirius before he locked their mouths once more, for luck. Remus   
laughed into the kiss. Had he been nervous? Suddenly everything except   
the boy kissing him to hotly went fuzzy. There was nothing to be   
nervous about, not with Sirius loving him like that. Who cared how the   
night went as long as this inexplicable, glorious feeling shot through   
him?"  
  
He didn't.  
  
*  
  
He took it back. He did.  
  
"So, how did you figure out you were gay?" Phoebe pried. She'd been at   
it since he'd led Sirius into the house, honing in on every tiny   
detail. She seemed particularly hung up on this gay thing. And no one   
was helping. Perseus chortled, his parents smiled politely, Jason   
glared, Echo petted the flower decorations, and Melly hummed 'Kissing   
In a Tree' constantly. Lunatics.  
  
He was in hell.  
  
Of course, Sirius fit right in. His boyfriend had no trouble parrying   
each question Phoebe threw his way, while laughing with Perseus,   
cracking jokes at Jason, and making faces at Echo or Melly   
sporadically. Remus kept his gaze as best he could on his fascinating   
dinner. Roast beef. Wow. Merlin, help him.  
  
"I'm not gay." Sirius said after swallowing a mouthful of mashed   
potatoes.  
  
"Well, you're obviously not straight."  
  
"Not that either. I'm Remus-sexual."  
  
The other Lupins laughed, again taken up in his bubbling charm. Even   
Remus found himself letting a slip of a smile through. Sirius could   
be so sweet sometimes, and he sure had a knack for breaking the ice   
-or melting it.  
  
"Wow. Remus what did you do to deserve him?" Perseus prodded his   
brother. "I've got to remember some of these lines!"  
  
"Honestly, I don't know why I'm still with him." Sirius simpered, as   
he assumed the role of a beleaguered middle ager with husband problems,   
all woeful and melodramatically tragic. "He doesn't appreciate me.   
It's like he's not there anymore."  
  
Not so sweet. Remus viciously took a bite of his meat. Over, over,   
over, soon, please, so he could beat his oh-so-funny boyfriend   
brainless. Or fuck him brainless. Either way. Sirius trailed caressing   
fingers up and down his inner thing under the table maddeningly.  
  
Phoebe buttered her roll. "How did you discover you liked each other?"  
  
"Now that's an interesting story. You know how Remus get terribly   
annoyed when you ask him the same thing over and over, so much so that   
he cracks?" Nods. "One day I was pestering him about who he had a crush   
on and bam! There it was. We started dating the next weekend."  
  
"What he's forgetting to mention," Remus corrected sarcastically,   
"is that he got a mild concussion when he fell off of the bed in   
surprise and spent a day and a half in the infirmary, then he   
*tricked* me into asking him out. Trust me, I had no intentions of   
that."  
  
Sirius smiled at him, warmth in his blue-bright eyes. "I'm glad I did."  
  
He would not kiss that smile. He would not kiss those lips. Damn it,   
why did Sirius have to be so…infuriatingly wonderful?  
  
"Aww…" Cooed Phoebe. "What was your first date like?"  
  
"Phoebe…" Aeneus warned, but Sirius waved him down.  
  
"I don't mind." He said, and took a moment to stick his tongue out at   
Melly, who giggled. "Another funny one, that. I--"  
  
Remus interrupted. "He spent the entire night treating me like one of   
the many idiot females he'd taken out before, until I just *had* to   
push him into a thorn bush and remind him that, technically, *I* was   
taking *him* out."  
  
Snerking, Perseus choked on his butterbeer. "Very romantic."  
  
Sirius' caress turned into a massage, causing Remus to shift   
uncomfortably. Good…good…no, bad, bad! He mentally slapped himself.  
  
"I thought it was. He fixed up all my scratches later."  
  
"Did he kiss them better?" Teased Phoebe.  
  
"No," a chuckle, "that came later."  
  
"When?"  
  
Mary frowned at her over-curious daughter. "Really, Phoebe, let the   
boys alone. They can barely eat."  
  
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Remus fervently thought. He wasn't   
blushing yet but if things progressed at this rate his romantic life   
would be on the table and he'd be as red as a lobster.  
  
"It's ok." Merlin, did Sirius have *no* sense of privacy? "I kind of   
like remembering everything. Makes me all warm." More coos. Remus   
pushed his plate away and let his head sink onto his arm -he should   
just give up now. "Remus was trying to teach me how to skip rocks on   
the lake late one night and I, being the klutz that I am, accidentally   
let the stone he gave me go before I should. It flew straight into his   
face and cut him right," Sirius touched the soft flesh between his nose   
and upper lip, "around here. I kissed it as an apology. Next thing we   
knew we were really kissing. It was…amazing,"  
  
Remus couldn't stop a full smile this time. Sirius was right, there   
was a nice feeling to be had in remembering all of their relationship   
foibles and firsts. That night had been truly amazing - the first of   
many kisses they'd shared. A revelation. How he'd ever lived without   
kissing Sirius was beyond his considerable comprehension.   
  
"So you two have kissed. Have you ever, you know, had sex?"  
  
Leave to Phoebe to pry the evening to shatters.  
  
Mary gasped, cupping her hands over Melly's ears. Aeneas went deadly   
still, and even Perseus failed to find humor in the break with decorum.   
Echo stared at her sister in shock, doe-eyes wide.  
  
Jason cackled. That was Jason for you.  
  
"That's none of your business!" Remus exclaimed, jerking up. The hand   
he'd kept on Sirius' knee all night flew up and balled into an angry   
fist on the table. "How dare you! All night I've sat here and let you   
pick apart our relationship but that's too much! I can't believe you   
would ask that!"  
  
This was highly unusual. Remus didn't *get* angry. But now he was   
seeing red.  
  
"Remus." Sirius said lowly.  
  
"Don't you have any respect for privacy!?"  
  
"*Remus.*"  
  
Phoebe leaned forward: "So you have?"  
  
"Bloody hell!" Remus made to fling himself across the table at his   
gleeful sister.  
  
Sirius held him, gripping his hand tightly. "Remus, *please*." He   
looked up at his enrage boyfriend pleadingly. Slowly, breathing hard,   
Remus nodded, but glared hotly at Phoebe when the other boy tugged him   
back into his seat. Sirius turned to the Lupins, squeezing Remus'   
fingers, and said calmly. 'No, we've never had sex."  
  
There was a collective sigh of relief.  
  
"We have made love, but that's entirely different."  
  
This time, no explosion.  
  
Something…something in Sirius' voice prevented the violent eruption   
that such knowledge should have elicited. He was serious, and he   
adamant, and he was…deep.   
  
"We *love* each other."  
  
In the quiet that followed, he lifted the arm entwined with Remus'   
and gently kissed the light-haired boy's hand. Remus swallowed tears   
around a joyous ache. Was it legal to be so blindingly happy?  
  
Eventually, Aeneas placed a hand on his son's other arm and smiled.   
"Hold on to that." He gravely advised. "It's a precious, fleeting gift.   
It must be fought for."  
  
Both boys nodded, fingers tangled so you couldn't tell one hand from   
the other.  
  
"Who's on top?" Phoebe continued. Despite everything. Lunacy.  
  
Remus hot out of his chair. "We'll just head to my room now. Good   
night."  
  
"Me!" Sirius called as he was dragged out of the room.  
  
*  
  
Sirius didn't even have a chance to chuckle before he was flung onto   
the unmade mess of pillows, sheets, and blankets that made up his   
boyfriend's bed. Remus tumbled on top of him for a deep, licking kiss.  
  
"Mmm. Déjà vu." Mumble-moaned Sirius, grinning.  
  
Levering himself up on his hands, Remus stared down at the red-lipped   
boy through his fringe of light hair. "Who's on top again? I'm afraid   
I didn't catch your answer." He asked dangerously.  
  
Sirius' grin widened. "Me, naturally. There are rules you know. I --"   
he stopped, lifting his head when Remus sat back on his heels and began   
to unbutton his boyfriend's tousled robes. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Continue." Intent hands worked their way down.  
  
Shrugging, Sirius let his head fall back. "Where was I?"  
  
"Rules."  
  
"Ah yes, rules. The top is always the taller one with the more   
athletic background. If one of the partners is more experienced   
sexually, that's the top as well. Top's are seductive -they initiate.   
Bottoms -hey!"  
  
Remus smiled at him innocently as he threw his well-worn muffle jeans   
and faded boxers over his shoulder. "You were saying?"  
  
Suspicious now, the dark-haired wizard eyed him, but eventually   
sagged back and continued once more. "Bottoms are shorter, more naïve,   
and passive usually. Hence the bottom role. They're more withdrawn.   
I'll admit that paler skin is typically a bottom characteristic, but   
you get away with being tanner because my genetics work against us.   
Do you see? We have stereotypes to fulfill. I'm taller, outgoing,   
aggressive -the top. You're short, passive and shy, a natural bottom.   
Face it, you're my bitch. It's the natural order of--fuck!"  
  
His boyfriend had pressed a slim, wet finger inside him and took the   
opportunity to twist it and smirk. Sirius moaned, writhing a little.   
  
"What was that about me being your bitch?" murmured Remus ferally as   
he bent in close, forcing Sirius' legs wide, rubbing.  
  
Sirius grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down. "Fuck me." He   
groaned, unashamed.  
  
"Yes. That's what I *thought* you said." And Remus commenced exacting   
his revenge.  
  
End. 


End file.
